Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Sarah Palin Has Read Every Newspaper and Magazine ... EVER!

Today, Sarah Palin put to rest America's doubts about her intelligence during an interview with Katie Couric on CBS News that revealed her to be quite well read. In fact, if her claim is true, she is the most well read person ... in the history of the world. In her interview, Sarah Palin was asked to cite an example of a newspaper or magazine that she read regularly prior to being named as McCain's running mate. She replied she read "all of them."

Interview Transcript

Couric: And when it comes to establishing your worldview, I was curious, what newspapers and magazines did you regularly read before you were tapped for this to stay informed and to understand the world?

Palin: I've read most of them, again with a great appreciation for the press, for the media.

Couric: What, specifically?

Palin: Um, all of them, any of them that have been in front of me all these years.

Couric: Can you name a few?

Palin: I have a vast variety of sources where we get our news, too. Alaska isn't a foreign country, where it's kind of suggested, "Wow, how could you keep in touch with what the rest of Washington, D.C., may be thinking when you live up there in Alaska?" Believe me, Alaska is like a microcosm of America.

I for one, have no doubts that Sarah Palin regularly reads all newspapers and magazines. The results of her intensive preparation are on display each time she conducts an interview. Of course, this also means that she regularly reads Hustler, Penthouse, Juggs, Barely Legal, and Playboy, which are magazines that would fit into the category of "all of them." So now the question becomes, is America ready to support a Vice Presidential candidate who reads so much hardcore porn?

Source: CBS News (http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/09/30/eveningnews/main4490618.shtml)

Monday, September 29, 2008

Sarah Palin is DINO-Mite!

The Huffington Post reported that Sarah Palin has said that she believes humans and dinosaurs lived at the same time. According to Wasilla resident Philip Munger, when he asked Palin about her religious beliefs, she told him that "dinosaurs and humans walked the Earth at the same time." When he asked her about prehistoric fossils and tracks dating back millions of years, Palin responded that "she had seen pictures of human footprints inside the tracks." While Palin herself hasn't acknowledged this belief, the liberal blogosphere is having a field day.

Far be it from this blog to defend Palin, but she may be on to something here. I did a little digging, and unearthed solid evidence that Palin is right. And I'm not talking about the 'evolutionists' argument that dinosaurs evolved into birds, so that birds are like dinosaurs. No, I'm talking about these 100% dinosaurs:

1. Barney: Old people are laughing at Palin for thinking humans and dinosaurs lived together. But that's because those old fogies have never seen Barney in action. As this picture indicates, Barney can often be found dancing with children. He may be creepy, but it is indisputable visual evidence that dinosaurs walk among us.

2. Denver, The Last Dinosaur: This syndicated cartoon (1988-1989) featured a "hip, green dinosaur" who secretly lives with a group of teenagers. As the picture below indicates, Denver is clearly walking around with humans. While his name "Denver, The Last Dinosaur" indicates that after his death, humans will no longer walk with dinosaurs, we'll always have the memories ... and this picture.

3. Ringo Starr: As you can see, none other than Ringo Starr is photographed with a pterodactyl in the movie "Caveman". Sure, cavemen are often used as evidence of evolution, but in this case, Ringo star is a human playing a caveman, so it still counts. And technically, pterosaurs are not dinosaurs, but we say close enough - we're talking about a memver of the Beatles here!

4. Jurassic Park: There are two Jurassic Park books and three Jurassic Park movies, all clearly depicting dinosaurs and people living at the same time. Sure, these dinosaurs were cloned from amber, but all Palin said was that people walked with dinosaurs. She never said when that happened. This isn't really related to Palin, but my favorite part of the first movie is when the cartoon DNA guy in the welcome video says "Dino DNA!" with a southern accent.

5. King Kong: In both the first (black and white) version and the Peter Jackson version, King Kong had to fight a T-Rex. I don't know about the 1980's version because it sucked and I blocked it out of my memory. Either way, at least on that island, dinosaurs and people were alive at the same time ... until King Kong killed it. These classic films also are evidence that people and giant gorillas lived together, just in case Palin ever says something about that.

6. Turok - Dinosaur Hunter: Dinosaurs are so prevalent in modern society that there's a guy name Turok who has to hunt them in a video game. Does anyone question the existence of deer? No. And since people hunt deer, I'd say the case is pretty airtight that dinosaurs walk with people, because there's a guy named Turok who hunts them. And if one video game isn't enough, there's another one called "Dino Crisis."

As you can see, Sarah Palin is on to something here. Given this new evidence, it may be time to throw out those evolution textbooks and replace them with ... textbooks about dinosaurs living with humans.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Palin's Laughable Foreign Policy "Experience"

Congratulations! Now that you have seen this map of Russia, you have the same foreign policy experience as Sarah Palin!

Sarah Palin's lame defense of her foreign policy experience in her interview with Katie Couric shows that either she's a complete and total moron or she thinks we are. Not only does she try to claim that being next to Russia amounts to foreign policy experience, but she expresses surprise that this stance has been mocked.

Katie Couric: You've cited Alaska's proximity to Russia as part of your foreign policy experience. What did you mean by that?

Sarah Palin: That Alaska has a very narrow maritime border between a foreign country, Russia, and, on our other side, the land-boundry that we have with Canada. It's funny that a comment like that was kinda made to … I don't know, you know … reporters. Couric: Mocked?

Palin: Yeah, mocked, I guess that's the word, yeah.

Couric: Well, explain to me why that enhances your foreign-policy credentials.

Palin: Well, it certainly does, because our, our next-door neighbors are foreign countries, there in the state that I am the executive of. And there…

Couric: Have you ever been involved in any negotiations, for example, with the Russians?

Palin: We have trade missions back and forth, we do. It's very important when you consider even national-security issues with Russia. As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border. It is from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right next to, they are right next to our state.

When she says this stuff, does she actually think it sounds like a good answer? Saying that being next to a country amounts to foreign policy experience is like claiming you had sex with someone because you stood in line behind them in the grocery store checkout line.

Source: CBS News (http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2008/09/25/couricandco/entry4478088.shtml)

Sarah Palin's Miserable Performance On CBS Evening News

Sarah Palin doesn't understand English... or she's deaf ... or she's a robot designed to spit out pre-programmed answers regardless of the question. These are the only possible explanations for her embarrassingly poor responses to Katie Couric's simple questions on the CBS Evening News (9/24) in this telling back and forth about the financial crisis:

Couric: You've said, quote, "John McCain will reform the way Wall Street does business." Other than supporting stricter regulations of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac two years ago, can you give us any more example of his leading the charge for more oversight?
Palin: I think that the example that you just cited, with his warnings two years ago about Fannie and Freddie - that, that's paramount. That's more than a heck of a lot of other senators and representatives did for us.
Couric: But he's been in Congress for 26 years. He's been chairman of the powerful Commerce Committee. And he has almost always sided with less regulation, not more.
Palin: He's also known as the maverick though, taking shots from his own party, and certainly taking shots from the other party. Trying to get people to understand what he's been talking about - the need to reform government.
Couric: But can you give me any other concrete examples? Because I know you've said Barack Obama is a lot of talk and no action. Can you give me any other examples in his 26 years of John McCain truly taking a stand on this?
Palin: I can give you examples of things that John McCain has done, that has shown his foresight, his pragmatism, and his leadership abilities. And that is what America needs today.
Couric: I'm just going to ask you one more time - not to belabor the point. Specific examples in his 26 years of pushing for more regulation.
Palin: I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you.

This is the place where I'd put in my snappy commentary about how stupid her answers were and why. But I think in this case, the text of the interview speaks for itself. I encourage you to click on the CBS link to read more of her answers. They don't get any better.

Source: CBS (http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/09/24/eveningnews/main4476173.shtml)

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Alaska's New Tourism Slogan: Come To Alaska, We Have A Lot Of Rapes and Murders!

When news broke that Wasilla charged rape victims for rape examinations while Sarah Palin was mayor, the angle taken by the 'blogosphere' was that 'Sarah Palin Charged People For Rape Kits." As the CNN article states, "interviews and a review of records turned up no evidence that Palin knew that rape victims were being charged in her town."

Why Would I Know What's Going On In My City? I'm Only The Mayor! Even though she hasn't exactly proven herself to be entirely trustworthy, I'm willing to take her claims of ignorance as being true ... which leads to a bigger problem: How could a mayor of a town of only 7,000 people NOT know about the practice? It's not like it was a secret. After all, Rep. Eric Croft knew about it. He sponsored a state law requiring cities to provide the examinations free of charge to victims. The town's police chief, who apparently was a strong supporter of the practice, opposed the bill in the legislature. So now, Palin didn't know that rape victims were being charged for exams AND that her police chief was vocally opposing statewide legislation.

Rape and Murder Capital of America? But even more disturbing is this statistic provided by CNN: "For years, Alaska has had the worst record of any state in rape and in murder of women by men. The rape rate in Alaska is 2.5 times the national average." Two and a half times is an awful lot. If you went to McDonald's to buy a hamburger on the dollar menu, and they charged you $2.50, you'd be pretty mad ... unless you were so rich that you didn't care how much food cost ... but if you were that rich, odds are, you'd be eating somewhere better than McDonald's (cue angry comments from wealthy people who are insulted because they eat McDonald's). No wonder Palin is such a gun advocate - if you're a woman in Alaska, you apparently need a gun to keep someone from raping and murdering you.

Rightly or wrongly, people who tout their 'executive experience' are judged by the things that happen under their watch as executive. And at least in this area, Alaska's performance is pretty poor.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Sarah Palin: Friend Of The Common Man

For those middle class Americans struggling to make ends meet in this time of fiscal meltdowns, skyrocketing gas prices, and mortgage foreclosures, Sarah Palin is the candidate for you! After all, who better understands the plight of the little guy than a candidate who wears designer imported glasses?

These designer imported glasses say a lot about Sarah Palin, and why every down-on-their-luck middle American should vote for her:

1. Just Your Regular Hockey Mom: These aren't just any designer imported glasses. These are expensive designer glasses. These "customized glasses and frames from Japanese designer Kazuo Kawasaki" start (yes, I said start) at $600. If being a hockey mom means I can afford glasses that start at $600, sign me up for a sex change, some lipstick, and a pair of skates!

2. Knows Value When She Sees It: Times are tough. People have to budget for the rising cost of food and gas. The federal government has to deal with record budget deficits. Palin often speaks about how she cut wasteful spending in Alaska. I'm guessing these glasses are the perfect example of her ability to trim the fat off the budget. I'm just a dumb middle class person, so I have to assume that her $600 dollar designer glasses imported all the way from Japan help her see much better than my $85 pair from the Target down the block. It is probably these super glasses that allows her to see Russia from her front porch. Heck, at that price, her glasses probably give her x-ray vision too. That is the kind of candidate we need to safeguard our tax dollars!

3. Country First: Palin's glasses also appeal to the middle class workers who have seen their jobs go overseas. After all, that's $600 dollars being pumped into the economy. That my friends, is the definition of "Country First." And even better, they are imported glasses, which means they are purchased from another country, in this case Japan, so the Japanese economy gets the $600 ... oh wait, that doesn't help American workers so much after all.
4. A Campaign About Issues: These glasses have created quite a stir. Everyone is talking about them! Who cares about 'ethics' or 'competence' or 'job performance' when I can get some glasses that make me look cool?

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Palin Lashes Out Against Politicizing Politics

Today, CNN reported that Sarah Palin refuses to cooperate with the "Troopergate" investigation into her questionably inappropriate role in the firing of Public Safety Commissioner Walt Monegan because he refused to fire her former brother in law. Instead she lashed out at the Obama campaign for politicizing her conduct as Governor of Alaska.

The message sent is clear: Obama and the liberal elites should stop using Palin's poor conduct as mayor and governor to score cheap political points.

To help the media understand what is off limits, the campaign released a list of topics, which Palin has decided are 'private matters' that the media should stop discussing immediately:
1. Using her power as governor to try to fire her brother-in-law: Brother-in-law has the word 'brother' in it. Your brother is part of your family. Anything having to do with your family is by definition a 'family matter.' Put another way, what she does to her brother- in-law is a private family matter, and should be dealt with privately, even if it does involve using her public office to get him fired ... because he's family.

2. Getting travel money to stay at home: Again, we can all agree what happens in a person's home is a private matter. Even if being in your home involves collecting thousands of taxpayer dollars, your home is your castle, and you can shoot people for coming inside that castle. Now, no one is saying you will be shot if you continue to discuss this topic, but look at the picture attached to this story. Do you want to take that chance?

3. Discussing her stance that creationism be taught in public schools: Religion is a personal choice. Sure, Palin is taking her religious belief and using it to force exposure to creationism on all kids who go to public schools ... but that doesn't make it any less personal to Palin. So all you 'scientists' and 'elites' out there who want to base science class on 'science' should mind your own business.

4. Reporting that she never went to Iraq when she said she did: Haven't you ever heard of the phrase "what doesn't happen in Iraq because you never actually went to Iraq, stays in Iraq?"

5. Coverage of her attempt to ban books: Reading is a private matter, unless it involves books that we don't agree with. Res Ipso Facto, the press should not be allowed to discuss anything involving books. Besides, at the end of the day, Palin was unable to get any books banned. Perhaps the focus shouldn't be on how much of a scary right-wing censor she is after all. If anything, the issue should be whether someone who was unable to accomplish such a simple task in town of only 7,000 people is ready to run an entire country.

The campaign also helpfully provided the press with the issue they should be focuing on: Palin-Is-A-Pig-Wearing-Lipstick-Gate. This is the hard core policy issue that John McCain was talking about when he said he was going to give the American people the debate they truly deserve.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Sarah Palin Faces A New Challenge

As the Palin-McCain campaign continued to fight off controversies, a new challenge emerged. Saturday Night Live featured the debut of Tina Fey's Sarah Palin impersonation. Immediately, Democrats and Republicans alike found something they could agree on - the impersonation was good. Good enough, in fact, that the nation began to wonder: Do we need the real Sarah Palin anymore? The pundits began to ask: Since Fey did such a good job playing Palin, why not just cut out the middle man have her be Palin?

For democrats, Tina Fey's Palin represents a chance to have all the goodness of Palin without all the pesky 'controversies' and 'inabilty to answer simple questions' that has caused them to question her qualifications since day one.

For the McCain camp, Tina Fey's Palin presented a rare opportunity for a 'do-over' - here was their chance to grab the smart, capable woman that McCain thought he was getting after his exhaustive two hour screening process. The toughest challenge to making the switch would be changing all the yard signs, a problem quickly solved by deciding that the campaign would become "Vote John McCain and Sarah Palin (played by Tina Fey)", which would only require adding a few words to the posters and bumper stickers.

Fey has thus far remained silent on the issue of joining the ticket, preferring to focus on not joining a McCain ticket. But Saturday Night Live producers are already whispering that if Fey leaves, they will have to find a replacement to play the part of Sarah Palin. Industry insiders note that should Fey replace her on the ticket, Sarah Palin herself would become available to play the part of Sarah Palin on SNL. But those same insiders note that the general consensus is, she would not be able to pull off the part, because she would have trouble remembering her lines.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

More McCain Palin Lies Exposed!

The Presidential Election season has claimed a lot of casualties (one being my ability to hear the word veepstakes without cringing). But perhaps the most tragic loss has been the death of truth in advertising. Barack Obama and the Democrats have been angered at the distortions and outright lies being spewed out by the Republican attack machine. And they are probably right to complain. But thus far, they have failed to focus on the biggest lie of all - A lie that is easily proven - a lie that is proudly included in John McCain's own TV spots - a lie that threatens the core principles of our democracy.

No, I'm not talking about that Paris and Britney ad, because that wasn't a lie, it was just stupid. I'm talking about McCain's claim at the end of his commercial that he and Sarah Palin are "the original Mavericks." Um, hello? Does the name James Garner ring a bell? From 1957 to 1960, James Garner played the role of Brett Maverick in a show called ... Maverick. It would seem obvious that a guy who played a character named Maverick in a show named Maverick way back in 1957 would be the original maverick.

But Bofa D's is a thorough news outlet. We don't run stories without checking them out (or at least thinking about checking them out). First, let's dispose of the easy one: Sarah Palin. Given the fact that she wasn't even born until 1964, unless she has invented time travel, she clearly is not even in the running to be the 'orginial maverick.'
But what about John McCain? We know John McCain is 72 years old. Perhaps he was already working in government, which could qualify him to claim that he is the original maverick. The intrepid Bofa D's research team did some digging to see what McCain was up to in 1957. So, what was Mr. McCain doing in 1957? In stark contrast to James Garner, who was being the original maverick, according to biography.com, John McCain was a year away from graduating "(fifth from the bottom of his class) from the Naval Academy at Annapolis." That doesn't sound mavericklike at all.

So John McCain and Sarah Palin don't have a legitimate claim to being the original mavericks. But mabe they just didn't know about the earlier maverick. Politicians make factual mistakes all the time, and McCain is pretty old. But this is not an example of him forgetting something because of his old age (like how many houses he owns), or just never knowing about the earlier maverick. No, this is a purposeful attempt to manipulate the facts for his own gain.

Let's examine the evidence: First of all, given the fact that he graduated 5th from the bottom of his class, he can't really say he was too busy studying to watch TV. And there were only 3 channels back in the day, so it's not like he was watching something else. Second, Maverick ran for 58 episodes, which is approximately 57 episodes longer than any new show on NBC will last this year. The show won a primetime Emmy for crying out loud! And to top it off, Garner was the maverick again in 1978 in "the New Maverick." To throw salt in the wounds, there was even a Maverick movie (starring someone else).

John McCain and Sarah Palin can no longer hide behind the truth: Everyone knows about this show, even John McCain. The facts clearly show that James Garner is the original maverick, John McCain and Sarah Palin's claims notwithstanding. What now? We have caught McCain-Palin in a boldfaced lie, a lie that has somehow stayed out of the major media outlets. Thus far, James Garner, the true 'original maverick' has yet to comment on this controversy, but it is only a matter of time before McCain has to answer for his lies.

Alternatives to Palin for VP Emerge

Perhaps in response to the controversy swirling around Sarah Palin's lack of experience and questionable ethics, three additional candidates for Vice President have emerged. Below is a breakdown of each (with a link to further information):

Steve Urkel: He's certainly as diverse as Palin and being a genius certainly doesn't hurt. Much like Palin's glasses have brought on a sea of copycats, were Urkel to become VP, people would be hitching up their pants above their bellybuttons.

Screech: Like Urkel, Screech is smart. Unlike Urkel, Screech has managed to hang out with the cool kids (Zach, Slater, Kelly Kapowski). And, as an assistant principal in Saved By The Bell: The New Class, Screech is uniquely qualified to speak on education issues. However, he did star in a crappy porn movie, so that kinda hurts the family values thing.

Grimace: Perhaps the darkhorse candidate of the three (or is it purple-horse?), Grimace enjoys universal approval and name recognition. However, like Palin, people don't know where he stands on the issues. Heck, they don't even know WHAT he is.

Register YOUR vote on the poll and tell us who you support!